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Parents

How does dancing relate to your parents?

Consider life being a ginormous play. Basically, you’re an actor. The world is your stage. As your understanding of life deepens, you start to hear subtle tones. After a while, you recognize patterns and thus melodies. The theater turns into a musical. You transform into a dancer.

Relationships are dances.

You practice them frequently – in most cases subconsciously. What does this mean? Well, it translates into the role you’re playing and the image you’ve about yourself and others. Vice versa, others too have an image of you and themselves. Surprisingly or not, the images don’t differ a lot. The outside perspective is actually a function of your self-image. The way you see yourself impact the way others see you. If you think you’re insignificant, others will treat you that way because your lack of confidence shines through. If you think you’re as important as anyone else, others will treat you equally.

What’s more? Similar to images, human relationships are based on the concept of consistency as well. This means that interactions between two people are dependent on the perceptions the actors have about themselves and the other party. This perception gets usually confirmed and thus reinforced over time. I used to have the nice-guy-stamp on my forehead in my family. So whenever I went to gatherings, such as birthdays, others expected me to be “nice”. In order to meet their expectations, I would avoid conflicts and told people what they wanted to hear.

How do you break the beat?

You learn and grow as life progresses. This is the reason why we founded ExperienceZone as a platform for controlled personal transformations. Anyway, deadlocked dances can prevent growth and need to be changed. This is how you do it:

  1. Make up your mind. What’s your role within your family? Are you the nice guy, black sheep or clown? Identity internal and external biases. This starts with introspection via a personality analysis and ends with a family constellation and evaluation of roles and relationships within. Once you know which roles you’re playing, you gain clarity about the related dances.
  2. Have meta-conversations. The longer you engage in a habit, the harder it is to change it. Same applies to dances. Awareness is the first step. However, you’re smoking crack if you think you can change those instantly. Reason being, there’s a partner on the other side, who’s used to that dance and would like to continue it for the sake of consistency. Since it’s impossible to change others, you want to talk with her about how you perceived your relationship, why it is dysfunctional and how you plan to transform it to get buy-in.
  3. Make decisions. If the other person isn’t willing or capable of changing your dance, “changing” falls off the serenity prayer option list. Hence, “loving” or “leaving it” is left. I don’t recommend former, since although re-framing might increase your well-being, you’re still stuck. Consequently, the only meaningful option left is “leaving it”. Tell the other person that you need at least a break for the sake of your self-development. It might sound hard yet will give the other one space and time to reflect upon her behavior.

Did you know that a child can cost as much as an apartment?

Well, I’ve definitely cost as much as a small house. Of course, the decision to get children is dependent on many factors (assuming you can actually plan for it). So, let’s dive into it the ExperienceZone way.

Why having children?

First things first: I don’t have children yet. However, I do understand why many declare them as their mission (although I believe that everyone is on planet earth for an individual reason, which is different from the cheer act and result of reproduction). Since our planet is overpopulated, you don’t need to worry about humankind disappearing just because you decide against children.

Yet if you do so, you want to check yourself in three areas:

First, your personal situation. Are you through your rite of passage? Do you feel like you’re grown up. Admittedly, I’ll always have a child in me, which drives me towards doing new things in a bold way, looking at them with fresh eyes and thus enjoying moments deliberately. Yet, I want you to having made certain experiences (such as partners, journeys or hobbies), which make you comfortable with caring for another human being for the next 15 to 20 years. Reason being, some your parents complain about that they haven’t “lived their life” and are now trapped into their parental responsibilities, which doesn’t allow them to make up the things they “missed”.

Second, the relationship with your partner. Do you’ve a stable relationship? Do you love your partner to the same extend that your partner loves you? Do you have more often sex than you fight each other? You might laugh, yet if case the result of latter formula is positive (i.e. more often sex than fights), it’s usually a good predictive indicator for a healthy relationship. Also, you want to reflect upon the social or constitution type combination of you and your partner.

Last but not least, your financial situation does play a role. Do you’ve savings or debt? Do you’ve property (e.g. real estate)? Do you and/or your partner have a “solid” job (the air quotes are due to the fact that there’s no job security anymore, yet you can create skill-sets which are build to last or meet the needs of a large target group)?

Think before you act

This might be challenging when it comes to rather emotional acts, such as sex and thus the production of offspring. Yet, assuming you’re an adult human being and contraceptives are available, I highly recommend you to think twice:

  1. Check your personal situation. Well, there’s never a perfect moment to get children (since there’s never a perfect moment for anything, you better drop the concept of perfection). You might always think that you miss something. However, please bear in mind that children will boost your self-development. Plus spending time with them can be really rewarding. Again, I’m not a father yet but am a good observer plus claim to have decent sense of empathy.
  2. X-ray your relationship. Talk with you partner about your wish to get children. Is she thinking along the same lines? Does she feel “ready” for it as well? Only if both of you guys confirm a level of certainty towards having children, you should jump into action. This way you ensure than no one regrets anything and might not be fully supportive when it comes to living up to the parental duties.
  3. Run a financial analysis. In first place, your professional situation is key to the monetary considerations. Why’s that? If you’re on a good career track (which basically requires you building it up on your individual passions and ultimately strengths), money comes naturally. It’s just a function of others appreciating the value you deliver to them by leaning in with your unique skill-set.

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